Life, Love and The Occasional Arse Hole
I've had to shed quite a number of toxic people from my life, the list is long and probably a reflection of my own journey in finding myself and my path.
As a result I've got lots of angry songs...
Sometimes people come into your life at a time when it's meant to be and over time you grow apart and the relationship becomes the opposite of what it was when it began.
I have learnt that these situations are actually ok even though they are painful at the time.
What is more painful is having people in your life who's journeys are having a negative impact on your own.
The hardest part in this process is realising that you have outgrown a situation and it has become toxic when it started out as a good thing in your life.
I have been betrayed by the people who I loved the most in all the world. It hurt like hell. But I have also been the person doing the hurting. When I was young and became a religious extremist I hurt all of my friends and family by judging them and cutting them out of my life.
A lot of those relationships didn't survive.
I've been surprised at myself this week. I've realised that I really, truely want the best for the people who have wronged me. In all my religious experiences (God bless their long dead souls) I never really loved people purely or really forgave anyone. But I've found in myself this week an honest well wishing for people who have hurt me the most. How could I not?
People make mistakes, including myself. The people who meant the most to me, who I have had to cut out of my life for reasons that are too messy and negative for me to explain, were also once the people who brought so much light and love, laughter and positivity into my life.
I don't want these people back, we have changed and outgrown each other, but I truely want the best for them.
Sometimes the best thing for a person is that they can get help for themselves and not hurt the people around them. I think people once wished this for me in the face of my extremism, self loathing and destructive actions. So now I can honestly wish it on others.
Hatred is poison. I will not tolerate hateful, spiteful people in my life anymore for my own good! Not because I actually think I am any better than them. I feel sad for people who are full of hate.
I'm feeling really positive and settled at the moment. I've got an amazing family, an amazing partner and healthy, happy kids. I've been retraining my subconscious mind to be positive and work in a positive way. As a result I've shed negative things from my life I didn't even realise were there.
I feel like I'm recovering from an illness. The healing is exhausting but feels much better than the sickness did.
Can I make another album already?