Not too long ago I underwent a massive shift in my thinking. It became apparent to me that negative thinking and talking was actually causing me to, without realising it, manifest negative things and relationships in my life.
So this was a big shift. From believing that focusing on things negatively was simply realistic, to realising that my subconscious mind will work for me towards what it believes my truth is.
This happens whether I like it or not and it's the same for all of us.
Say for example you are constantly saying that you are useless/ ugly/ stupid/ hopeless/ victimised/ unfortunate. Every time you say this you are cementing into your subconscious that this is a fact.
Now is a good time to mention that 95% of brain activity is subconscious. You see where I’m going with this? 95% of the reasons behind every single thing we do and say is subconscious.
I can’t tell you how much I fucking HATED people telling me to ‘think positive’ all the time. To me, this was flaky, fake advice. It was also frustrating to have people tell me to try and see a situation for what I wanted it to be, instead of what it was. This also felt very fake and unrealistic. How could I sort something out if I was busy lying to myself about it?
So it wasn’t until I realised there were actual scientific facts behind positive thinking and the way it effects your life that I took it seriously.
I don’t like to think about how I used to feel about myself, how self absorbed I was in my own dislike of myself. How many horrible people and situations I went through, largely because I didn’t value myself.
Negative thinking and negative beliefs about oneself are like a type of downward spiral. I never realised that it was my own beliefs about myself that were destroying my confidence.
It's amazing how much confidence on it's own can effect your life. A lot of the time the only difference between people who are doing things and people who aren't is their level of confidence, not their level of skill or talent.
The other thing I noticed from my times of extremely low self esteem was how extremely self conscious I was! This on it's own is enough to make you fuck things up. When you are so worried about looking stupid because you fear being stupid it's becomes very hard to focus on what you are actually doing! It's also very hard to do things instinctively and tune into your intuition.
So negative thinking becomes like a big dirty snow ball in your life. The more you think and believe negatively, especially about yourself, the more you will accidentally manifest negative things, the more you will believe because of these experiences that you are correct in your negative thoughts.
Prepare yourself for the punch line: I’ve noticed a huge change in myself and my life since I’ve decided to fleece myself of negative self-talk.
This has proven to me that positive thinking/ talking actually does something!! It’s not just a ‘feel good’ pathetic comforter for weak people, it’s a catalyst that I really think has changes my life (maybe I’m a bit slow in figuring this out haha).
As a result other negative things have repelled from my life in the strangest ways! I guess my existence was no longer a habitable dwelling place for them.
For one, I don’t get stuck in a massive rut and start to feel overwhelmed like I used to. If I screwed something up in the past quite often it would feel like proof that I couldn’t escape myself. I would get stuck, unable to get myself out of this overwhelming desire to not exist.
That sounds pretty bad…I guess it was…I really believed I was cursed. But that doesn’t happen anymore. It’s not because I’ve fallen in love with myself or some crap, it’s just that I’ve realised that that kind of thinking is only going to make negative things occur in my life, which I don’t want.
I've also decided that humans screw up roughly about the same amount as each other, it's just the way you react to mistakes that determines if you will grow or go backwards because of them.
Another thing that manifested in my life was the people who flounced out of it. Chances are that if you have struggled with self hate and negative thought patterns, you will have people in your life who are either feeding off that or you are feeding off them.
There may even be people who need you to be in this space because they feel they can keep a kind of power over you and it makes them feel superior. This is a gross, violating thing to discover that you have unwittingly let into your life. The sooner you shed those fuckers the better!
I can only speak from my own experience here that I experienced extreme angry and emotional abuse from people around me who were offended by my self esteem.
These people made a spectacular exit which I watched from a kind of stunned/ amused/ shocked position with a belated wave goodby and a "have a nice life" as I promptly got on with my new, happier little existence.
Fucking weird!
Literally within about a month of this happening I had 3 people contact me wanting to make amends over previous issues of sorts…coincidence? I doubt it.
I have noticed that I'm trying all kinds of new things that I don't exactly think I'm naturally amazing at but I've always wanted to do.
Because I don't believe I'm a totally useless person anymore I'm kind of free to try new things and make mistakes. I'm at the snow this week getting better at snowboarding which I never thought I'd do. I'm also considering taking up martial arts with my kids, another thing I NEVER would have thought I'd consider and I'm getting through my second diploma.
The other thing I have noticed is that people treat me differently.
The only thing I can put it down to is that I must give off some kind of vibe that says “I will not tolerate shit, I know my worth, I know my boundaries and if you can’t respect that you’ll be having none of me”.
I know this within myself now. I am not afraid to walk away from a job, a "friend", a relationship, if I’m being used or drawn into someone else’s toxic mine field.
I think people get that vibe, probably through the 95% subconscious things I do and say…funny that.
Don't be shy to share your stories and thoughts and happy vibes with me in the comments :) I'd love to hear!
Happy positive vibes x